It's Funny...

It's funny how on a day where you feel totally useless, and kind of...unnecessary, that something happens and you feel better. Just better. Not ecstatic, but better then you did 3 minutes ago.

I've been having a weird few days. Friday was fin - nothing to really report, but Friday night was GREAT. Jeremy and I got to go and witness two people make a drastic change in their lives. We saw them make a promise. We watched as their sweet daughter - someone I adore and constantly learn from - cry tears of joy over their decision. It was a very sweet night, and I was filled with a renewal of hope and peace.

Then I watched Bones. Did you see it? I love Angela and Hodgins. If you like the show and haven't seen it...stop reading. At the end we get to see Angela and Hodgins discussing her newly revealed pregnancy. She says that she would like to keep it quiet until after the first trimester. I cried and cried. I made my posters for church, and I cried. I hate that something like that will send me over the edge...but it so often does. I feel weak at those times. I feel lost and helpless. And VERY FRUSTRATED that I can't control my own life or body!!!

Saturday I woke up and got tried to get through some more of the posters I had to make. Then We had all these plans for the day. A trip to the Temple before it closed for Maintenance, and then more postering, and then Laundry, and Jer was going to clean his office, and then I was going to pick up Grandma for the luncheon and then the General Relief Society Conference Broadcast, and then we were going to dinner for a friend's Birthday. Sounds like fun right? I thought so. I was doing the posters, and then I went to get a shower and realized I had no clean underwear. How does that happen? Who gets too busy to wash underwear? I don't know. But it did, and apparently I do. So I asked Jer to go start some laundry and he did. Because he's wonderful. It's true. And I'm not the only one who thinks so. I had THREE people remind me this week how wonderful Jeremy is. He reminded me a lot on Saturday.

Okay so Laundry is running and we're still basically on schedule. I get out of the shower and kind of lose it. I just felt so overwhelmed. By...nothing really. Our day? Not so bad. All things I like. Why was I feeling so overwhelmed? I didn't know. Still don't. So I cry a little and feel terribly guilty that the thing I need to cut out for the day is the Temple. For so many reasons I know this was wrong. If I was going to do anything THIS should have been it. But cut it we did. And I started to feel better.

More posters. More stenciling, and coloring. Then Grandma decided she wasn't going to go to the Broadcast with me. I was sad, but it gave me two extra hours in my day. But by then it was too late to go to the Temple. I was still feeling totally overwhelmed. Jeremy was in such a good mood too. He kept wanting to make me laugh, and I kept snapping at him. I made him leave the room at one point. I don't deserve him.

We went out and got the flowers for Grandma's Birthday gift - a pretty hanging basket. Then I went to the Broadcast. I met up with some friends there and really enjoyed the broadcast. I know some of you guys out there aren't of the same faith as I am, but the talks given in this meeting were SO GOOD. I would really recommend watching the last one. It was by the President of our church, and it was so good!! Seriously...if you have some time. Give it a watch. It will have you rethinking how you see people.

The Birthday dinner was really good, and really fun even though the service was lacking. that night I finished up the posters...or thought I finished the posters, and went to bed. I woke up the next morning feeling okay. Not great - not bad. Just...awake. Then I realized I needed another small poster that I had totally forgotten about. Church was wonderful though and that helped lighten my mood. Then My Visiting Teachers came over and visited. It was nice and again I felt even better. Then I watched part of Julie and Julia. More on this later. Then we went to dinner with Jeremy Family, and celebrated Grandma. I love Grandma. She really is a very special lady, and I'm lucky to get to claim her as my Grandma. We laughed and talked and ate, and talked some more.

We went home and I finished the movie, and then I went to bed. The movie is good. More amusing than I though it would be. Have you seen it? You should. It's pretty good.

But it got me thinking...Why do I blog? Is it a metaphorical therapy session for me? Is it me reaching out into the world trying to find validation for my oh so typical life? Honestly...I don't know. I can't figure it out. I don't know why I do this. I just do. I don't know if I make people laugh or cry or feel anything at all. I'm not looking for validation - these are just the thoughts going around my head today. I'm thinking seriously about changing what I talk about. I don't know that my life is interesting enough to keep going the way I have. We will see.

Anyway - like I said sometimes I start feeling like my life is ind of directionless...And then I log onto Blogger, and see that I have two new stalkers today. GRIN. So, Hi Friends!! Welcome. I hope you find something that helps you in some way. I know it helps me even though I don't know why.