Whoosh

That was a word Jeremy started using when we started dating. Everything felt like this rush of emotions and love, gratitude, concern, love and pure joy...Whoosh. I feel that way now. But it's different because even though I am feeling those things for many many people right now...the whoosh now is because I am feeling those wonderful things FROM so many people.

Thank each of yo for your kind words, and thoughts and mostly your prayers. I can feel them working in my life right now. I am overwhelmed. Thank you. I honestly and truly love you all!!

I'm not great yet, but I know I will be. as an amazing person says in her blog: I have done battle this week. I have battled the terrible feelings flooding my mind from Satan who is trying to tear me down and keep me there. I have battled my selfish self. I have battled the fear and anxiety that have crept up from long ago years that I had forgotten. BUT - I am still fighting!! I have not given up! I will not give up. I don't know how or even when, but I will make it through this. Then again maybe making it through is not the destination - it is (like so many good things in life) the journey. Either way... I know I can be happy again, therefore will be happy.

Yes, I am struggling with officially putting a label on the fear I have been beating down for the last year. I also know it could be worse, and I know it's temporary (all things in this life are). I used to be so sad for people I knew who were having fertility issues...now I empathize. I am officially a member of that group. How it pains me to see random children with their mothers. How it hurts to think this may never happen for me on this side of the veil. How I wish it were all different. But on the other hand I can't even express my gratitude for friends and family who have been willing to let me come into their lives and share in the joy their children bring them. I know it's not the same. I know I will not feel the same things as a mother does. I've been told that all before, but I do appreciate all the little glimpses I have been given. Thank you for those gifts. I cherish them.

I had a large green bag left on my doorstep today. I have a pretty good idea who it is from, but since She chose not to leave a name on the card I have decided to pass along her sweet example of what a good friend is. I will be leaving a similar package on someones door this week. I will also not leave a name on the card. I hope they will feel as loved and special as I do. I encourage you to do the same. And if you receive something like that this week - I hope you will continue to pass it on too. I can testify that you may change everything for someone.

To whomever left that bag of Halloween fun: Thank you. I love you. I can't tell you how grateful I am you were in tune enough with the spirit to think of me right now. I needed it so much. I do love you. and I thank my Heavenly Father that he blessed my life by putting you into it.