Do do do do do do do

That was supposed to be the Jeopardy theme song...but it doesn't translate very well.

This post could also be titled : "Trying" to have a baby sucks. SUCKS.

OR: CC1 - D33.

OR: TDMI. Too D@#% Much Information.


I should start today. You know...S.T.A.R.T. And I think I will, but you know how some women can track their cycles with precision? Well tracking mine is like trying to track terrorists. Okay it's probably not that hard, but it's never been easy. Hence the 2 years and almost 5 months we've been TRYING to have a baby. Good times.

Anyway - like I said I think I will start today, and then I can call my Dr and  let them know and hopefully find out the results from the blood work I had done last week. Yep. More blood work.

Did you know I used to hate the word Blood? It used to make me cringe inside. Now it's a part of regular conversation. I never really minded getting blood drawn before all of this either, but now it's like breathing. I didn't even cringe when last year I had like 27 tubies of blood taken and one burst and spilled all over the floor and my jeans. Nope. Blood doesn't bother me.

Neither do exams. That's right ladies - I've had my feet in stirrups so many times now that it's almost like going to the grocery store. An incredibly cold and violating grocery store. I've seen my uterus more times than the octo-mom probably.

It's the norm for me. I have a totally different reality than most 27yr old women. Now don't get me wrong - I know I'm not the only women in the world who has her OBGYN on her speed dial, and I'm far from the what some women, who are stronger than I, have had to face. But I do have a special way of looking at the world.

And right now I'm looking at the world like my clock looked at the world this morning. The second hand got stuck on the hour hand at exactly 8 o'clock. Am? Pm? Yesterday? Friday? No Idea. There it hung. Watching the world pass it by. Waiting for someone to solve this problem and fix it. It looked so happy when I pulled the second hand off the hour hand and it started ticking away, and it looked giddy when it reflected the actual time.

I really hope our life gets unstuck this year. I am so tired of knowing time is passing but having no milestones or majorly happy events to track it by. I'm tired of only counting out the days and years from when something sad happened. I'm so tired of feeling stuck. I know so many people who feel this same way too, so I'm not trying to sing the "I'm so picked on" song. It's just how I'm feeling today.

Don't get me wrong. I am blessed beyond measure. I know that, and I thank my Heavenly Father every day for the wonderful things he has seen fit to give me. But my prayers are also full of pleadings for our most righteous of desires. And even though I know Heavenly Father hears my prayers, and knows whats best for me...Sometimes I wonder if his planner pages got stuck together and our turn got missed....