I was thinking this morning (2am, in case you were wondering) about if being a mom is different from how I pictured it. And I thought "Lets make a comparison list!! Because lists are fun!! And, really?!! What else have I got going on right now?! Sleep is for schmucks! Maniacal laugh!!"
Lets start with a couple of things I remember saying before I had a baby someone expected me to care for entirely on my (our) own.
#1 "How do you get anything done? I would just sit and stare at him all day!"
Babies are cute right?! Mine TOTALLY is by the way. "I could just bite off her ear and use it as a sucking candy!" Only its a him. But, you got that. So he's cute. Like DANG cute. And he's kind of brilliant. I mean rolling over at three weeks old brilliant, thankyouverymuch. I think I actually could sit and stare at him all day. But then, he wouldn't have any clean clothes because I wouldn't have done laundry. And he would starve because there would be no clean bottle for him to eat from because I wouldn't have done dishes (which I did at 230 this morning - I rock). And he wouldn't be able to breath around me because I wouldn't have showered. So in the literal sense, no, I can't just sit and look at him all day, but I do spend a lot of time with him in my arms, or laying on the sofa cuddling with him, or on the floor talking to him. So I'm going to say this one is both reality and fiction. It's my game, so I can do that.
#2 "It's a baby! How hard is it to get out the door on time?!"
Okay. Fine. I'm sorry! I have already been late once due to Squish deciding at the last minute that he wants changed and fed. Right now. I will also say that I forgot I had told someone I would meet them and was thus also to blame for being late. I'm calling it realiction (that would a reality/ fiction fusion). Mostly possible to always be on time, but could be thrown off by babies sometimes unpredictable demands.
#3 "I love how new babies smell!"
Dont' get me wrong. I do. But more specifically I love how they smell after a bath. Babies spit up, they are messy eaters and formula smells terrible, and they wear diapers, see #4. Basically, freshly laundered babies are delicious!! The rest of the time...it's debatable. Once again ficality.
And now a couple of things I pictured about being a mom...
#4 Changing diapers sucks. You know why? It's because poop stinks.
While this is true, it seems to go much deeper than the odor. Um... poop stains. Yeah. Don't get that crap on you, because that crap stains instantly! Which is asking a crap ton of someone who is trying to calm a screaming baby who hates having his diaper changed, while trying to still said screaming baby as he tries to roll off the changing table because he started rolling over at three weeks old...thankyouverymuch. Also - how to you handle the outside trash bins filled with this crap all week until garbage day comes back around?? Seriously! If it's in the garage it stinks up the car, and the house, but if it's out side it stinks up the entire neighborhood and we can't open the windows for fresh air, because THERE IS NO FRESH AIR!! Obviously I could use some advice here if you have some. I'm not excited about what the Arizona summer heat will do to the situation! Reality+. That means - worse than I thought, but still true.
#5 When Baby's Binky falls on the gross floor wash it, wipe it with a wet wipe, whatever you have to do, but don't just stick it back in the baby's mouth or worse - YOUR mouth and THEN the baby's.
I still feel this way. The floor is gross. Germs people. GERMS!! Reality!!
#6 Babies sleep so peacefully
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Seriously. Not my baby. Maybe some do, but this little man works his vocal cords out the entire time he sleeps. FICTION!
Lets look at some "advice" shall we?!
#7 Sleep when baby sleeps
I really wish people would stop perpetuating this lie. I think I've slept twice while he was napping during the day. See #1. Nothing would get done! Face it people. You have a new baby in the house? Stock up on caffeinated beverages, because you're going to be tired. I have to give Jeremy some praise here though. He and I usually split the night between us. I take the first half of the nightly feedings, and he takes the second half. It allows both of us to get several uninterrupted hours of sleep every night. It works for us. I don't fall right back to sleep after I get up with him, so I can't imagine how I would make Breast Feeding work. Huge props to the mommas who do, and I sort of wish I could, but I'm also a little glad I can't. FICTION!
#8 This is a contradicting two part-er. 6A Put baby on a schedule as soon as possible. 6B Don't worry about a schedule yet. I've heard them both and they both make great sense, however;
We tried the schedule thing in the very beginning. Squish smashed it to pieces with his tiny fists of rage in less than 12 hours. He wanted to eat when he wanted to eat. He wanted a diaper change when he wanted a diaper change. We were getting up with him ever hour and a half for one or the other. I was pretty fried those first couple of days. Part two is that just when I gave up even thinking about a schedule he put himself on one. Nate is such a good baby! He eats every two hours right now, and is up to 3 oz a meal. He rarely cries or fusses unless he's hungry or wet. He sleeps most of the day still, but wakes up about 8 or 9 am for about an hour and we hang out, and then he wakes up again about 2 or 3 pm for tummy time, and then wakes up about 8 or 9 pm after his bath and just before bed for a while. Its not always perfect, but it's also fairly dependable. I think flexibility goes a long way with new babies. Just going with it totally works for us. I can't think of another fusion word for both reality and fiction... yup. Nothing.
I had pretty much given up on getting to experience this phase with kids, so to be able to write this post means a lot to me. I adore Nate. I am so in love with him. He has brought so many laughs and smiles and tears of joy with him, and it's truly incredible. I'm so glad and grateful that he is here, even with his stinky diapers and frequent feedings. I love him. I love these experiences, and I love being his momma right now. I'm a lucky girl!
As a little bonus for reading the whole post, I give you "Squish goes for a Roll" turn your volume down though - I sound like a moron.
Adorable right?!!
4 comments:
Yay for mommyhood!
Sarah, I am SOOO glad that you are able to experience these things!! I have to agree with most of your statements...especially about the "freshly laundered babies smell nice" part--lol. Although I've learned that even when the rest of them stinks to high heaven, the tops of their heads is still my favorite smelling spot.
I just love hearing about you becoming a mom!! So excited for ya!! Love you and am so proud of you!!
I would say that one baby is not the reason I am late... it's #2 and ultimately #3 that have made it IMPOSSIBLE for me to ever get anywhere on time. It's embarrassing :P
But- the real reason I stopped by to comment! Poop stains! I have, after three children, finally learned the trick to poop stains and it's so simple I could kick myself. We are visiting my parents right now and I did the trick and my mom just looked at me astounded. Then asked why she never knew about this...
SUNSHINE! Its only been since we switched to cloth diapers that I learned this, but if you have clothes with a poop stain on them, wash but don't dry. When it is wet, set it outside on a clothes line, or on a bush, or on a lawn chair in the sunlight and as it dries, the sun seriously bleaches the stain out. If the stain is stubborn and doesn't come out right away, just use a spray bottle to keep it wet while it continues to sit in the sun. I am amazed every single time. I sun all my cloth diapers and you cannot even tell that my little man uses them to poop in on a daily basis and I've saved several adorable outfits from going in the trash pile by using this trick for them as well.
Love, love, love this post! Everything about it. Makes me smile so hard! Something that I do with EXTRA stinky diapers is put it in a ziplock. As gross as it is to have a bin on your changing table secretly hiding a ziplock bag holding poopy diapers, it really does help to cut down the smell. It's kind of a waste of $, and I don't use them for ALL diapers, but super stinky poopy ones go in a gallon (when the kids are young and pooping all the time), then as soon as there are a couple diapers in the bag I throw it away outside. The dollar store also has little pink super thin tie off bags that smell like baby powder that help keep the smell out if you tie the diaper off in the bag. But yes, in the summer time, most likely, your outside garbages will smell like baked diaper. Sorry about that! :)
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