Overwhelmed

If you're tired of hearing bout the goal I just reached...you could probably unplug for the rest of the week. I'm celebrating!!!!!

Today will be the cry portion of the program....Because we are talking about me here. It's what I do.

First off - I want to say thank you to all of you who left me such sweet and uplifting and really special comments yesterday. I'm totally overwhelmed. I cried as I read through them. Some of you have known me throughout this struggle, and some of you I don't "know" at all. I am truly touched that you would say such nice things to help me continue along this path.

I have been blessed with an incredible family, and fabulous friends, but most of all I have been blessed to be married to the most wonderful man on Earth. I could not have achieved this goal without him. I would have given up a long time ago. I would have run away, and I would have dived right into a tub of Blue Bell Vanilla Bean. He kept me going so many times when I just wanted to cry and cry and give up because it was too danged hard to change. He cooked better. He walked more. He held me when I cried, He cheered when I succeeded, and He moved money around when I was so proud of getting a certain size ON that I had to buy whatever it was right then. He is my very best friend, and my Hero in so many ways. I am overwhelmed by the support he has been and given to me. He is the reason I was able to come this far. I'm so grateful Heavenly Father led us to each other. I am so grateful that I am Jeremy's wife - Forever.

I have been on this SUPER HIGH since I saw those numbers on the scale. I even told someone at work how much I weigh. I know. HUGE. But I'm not ready to post those digits here on the web...sorry. Maybe soon. Maybe after some intense therapy. LOL. Anyway - my super high. I feel so...happy!! Not because I hit a certain number. Not because I weigh what I do. It's because I achieved something I honestly never thought I could do.

I remember the week I started WW. I went to my first meeting with a friend, and she was wonderful. She helped me feel comfortable in a situation where I felt totally exposed. Then At the end of the meeting I realized I needed to lose literally half of myself to be at a "Healthy Weight" I was shocked, and overwhelmed. How could I have been THAT BAD? How could I have THAT FAR to go? It wasn't possible. I didn't feel like I should have weighed that much. But the numbers don't lie. I'm still not in a healthy range for my age and height, but I'm a heck of a lot closer than I was 2.5 yrs ago. I still have a long way to go, but I am going.

I've been thinking since I realized how close I was to this goal that it's just so sad that I even needed to do this. It's so sad that I had that big of a change to make. And then I though...no. What's sad is how far I still have to go on this journey of mine. THAT is sad. You would think after 100 pounds coming off I'd be where I should be. I should be a freaking Victoria Secret Model by now!! Ugh. SO not the case!

I started to be irritated with this whole thing again. I emailed my best friend and she responded with pure wisdom. She said, "you are amazing for choosing to change and come back from it! That’s what really matters. Not where we have been,
but what direction we are heading! That’s the only thing that gives me hope!" That kind of caught me off guard. And it reminded me of something my coach told me one day while I was in her office. She said, "This is another way for us to overcome the natural man" as in, overcome who we are carnally and step closer to who we can be spiritually. They are TOTALLY right!! These women are BRILLIANT. It's true. I am coming closer to the person my Heavenly Father wants me to be by giving up transgressions (like not taking care of the beautiful body he blessed me with)!!! How Amazing is that concept!??! I am grateful for my body. I know I haven't been as good to it as I should have been. And now, I'm treating it with the respect it should have always gotten.

Keep Moving Forward as the Robinsons say! I'm pretty sure Jesus said something like that too. Just sayin'....

The last 2.5 years have not been easy for me. Not just the weight loss thing, and not even the infertility thing. What was the most difficult thing was the lost of two pregnancies. If I didn't know that my Heavenly Father controls everything I would think is was ironic that 6 months after I started trying to decrease my weight we started trying to increase the size of our family. I might think it was ironic that we struggled with infertility at the same time as I struggled to go to the gym, or put down the pasta. I don't however; believe in irony. I know there is a plan. I know that Heavenly Father was pushing me towards something life changing when I lost our little Charlie. I was in the middle of a very real and very intense battle during the months right after. I was scared and felt like such a failure. And suddenly I was standing in someone's kitchen while she gave me hope. It might sound crazy that I feel like this was an answer to a prayer, but I do. Actually it was two answers. Not only was I able to find some success in another area of my life, it was also a very needed distraction. When I lost Fiona two and a half months later I again was feeling overwhelmingly worthless. I was however; slightly more determined this time. I was slightly closer to the spiritual promptings being sent my way. I waited just two weeks before I got right back on the plan and started again. There were several times in the last two months that I have wondered if I pushed myself too hard. There were lots of days when I regretted not taking more time before I forced myself to stop healing through food (if we're being honest). There was one day just two weeks ago that I had gone to weigh in and had decided that if I hadn't lost 3 lbs that week I was done. I would come back to this whole thing later. I didn't know when...just later.

I lost 4.

I know the Lord has been working with my spirit and my faith as I've been working with my jean size. He has given me what I have needed to keep going not only on this path, but my life path, my spiritual path. I have felt more clarity and focus in the last 2 weeks that I have in a very long time. I'm so grateful for the blessings I have been given. And so overwhelmed by them.

Every. Single. One.

Have the Best Day - I am.